butterfly dream

It’s been a long time since I’ve done one of these, isn’t it? And now, not liable to again. I was feeling rather wistful about the whole situation – the way you do, when you hear the fate of a friend long past – until I happened to catch judge Zack Werner’s reaction. Something about how bitterly ironic it was that the show was being canned as too expensive, when it’s in just this sort of economy that kids need dreams to hold onto.
Er, yeah, Zack. Not to worry; they can always still aspire to be contestants on Don’t Forget the Hits! And there, they’ve a chance to be paid real money.

Anyway, I dragged out my old home-made ‘Best of CI2’ CD as part of the total music overhaul, inspired by Brian Melo’s version of Karma Police from CI5. It’s worth a download, mostly; Melo’s rock voice sounds authentic, and I was heartened to learn that he and the bubblegum factory have since parted ways.

As for CI2…oy. Remember I said I wasn’t particularly embarrassed by my past musical choices? Well, I lied. Shorn of the excitement of the moment, Teh Greatest CI Season Evah comes off, largely, as…how do I put this? Like you thought you were watching American TV, and it turns out it was Canadian all along.

Mind, this does have the effect of throwing the glimmers of real professionalism into high relief:

Top 32:

What I preserved - Kalan (Lady), Theresa (Summertime), Kaleb (Water Runs Dry)
What I'd keep now - None of the above. These are three canny kids showing off their vocal tricks for the voters; that's all. Kaleb probably gives the closest thing to an actual performance.

Top 10:

What I preserved- Kalan (Born to Be Wild), Theresa (Good Mother), Elena (Mary Jane)
What I'd keep now  - Theresa. No idea how I put up with Elena's shouting for even this long, anymore. Meanwhile, Kalan's developed a serious case of Johnson novelty syndrome: it's not so much that he's performing well, as that he's performing it at all.

Top 9:

What I preserved- Jacob (Space Oddity), Kalan (House of the Rising Sun)
What I'd keep now  - Both, unreservedly. They are collectively the reason us Canucks were all "Our Idol is better than yours, nyahhh!" at AI all season. (Although I do wish Kalan would just record the damn song already so I can get a version clear of all the SCREEM!s.)

( Top 7-Finale under the cut... )

All the cool kids are doing it!

DIRECTIONS
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it makes you look.
4. Title this post what the answer to your last question is.
5. Good luck and have fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Sometimes a Fantasy - Billy Joel (Hey, this might be more fun than I thought!)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
I'd Really Love to See You Tonight - England Dan & John Ford Coley (Well, yes. Specifically in my new DKNYC tunic)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Unpack Your Adjectives - Schoolhouse Rock (You know, in an odd way, this makes total sense)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Monday, Monday - The Mamas and the Papas (Oh, keep reading, it'll all become clear...)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Sour Suite - The Guess Who (Heh. Or alternatively, just check in with anybody who's ever asked for my 'honest opinion')

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
After the Love Has Gone - Earth, Wind & Fire (OK, which one of you clowns told Shoemom about the tunic purchase?)

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
Unloved - Jann Arden (Damn. I am, like, thisclose to becoming a Twilight character, aren't I?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Walk on Home - Kalan Porter (Sure, it looks like things are getting progressively worse, but check out the bright side! I didn't say I wasn't coming along...I mean, I have to keep measuring off fifty feet 'cause of the restraining order, which is kind of a pain, but...You know what, let's just move on)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Goodnight Saigon - Billy Joel (Yep. Flashbacks, man, it's all about the flashbacks. I can see the newspaper reports now. "She seemed like such a quiet, harmless girl...I mean, she liked Billy Joel a lot, but...")

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley (...um, I like to dance with them a lot?...oh lord help me i am in hell)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
New Kid in Town - Trisha Yearwood ("...and that's when I was forced to hunt them down and kill them all, Your Honour.")

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain - Ricky Nelson (That'll show 'em! [sob])

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Jane - Barenaked Ladies (While elsewhere, in a tragic coincidence, perusal of the songwriter's rough notes reveal this as the in-house handle of 'Number 47' from Jailhouse Rock...)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Prelude/Angry Young Man - Billy Joel (Yes, it's true; I am an underground rebel, bent on destroying society and all its institutions [and really, after reading this far, can you blame me?] In fact, my 'Clueless White Chick Like Me' pose has been so successful no one has ever thought to check out my potential connexions to Barack Obama...until now. Muwahhahh-hahh...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Spider-Man (1967) - Theme (So how come nobody ever invites me out for a night's web-swinging, huh? Nooooo, I want action of a Friday night, I've got to troll the local podunk jail. Thanks a lot, 'friends'!)

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO NAME THIS POST?
Ev'rybody Wants to Be a Cat - Phil Harris & Scatman Crothers, The Aristocats (Count me in, my brothers. Count me in.)

So I ran the semi-something Google checkup on Kalan Porter this afternoon - why yes, it is kinda boring waiting around for the new processes to kick in gear after the office reorg, however could you tell?

At any rate, there's still no news of fresh music-making; kinda disappointing. Especially in light of the award SOCAN handed him...well, today, actually. Looky that, for a brief (and somehow vaguely disturbing) moment I'm current with the Porterverse once again. In this nostalgic mood, I rejoice to discover that an award is 'really nice because it kind of keeps you going'; way to chat up the leading lights of your industry, there, boyo. What were you planning on doing if this honour didn't pan out, pre-law? Lawn & garden maintenance?

Yeah. Because I was idly fiddling with my iPod just after this discovery - why, yes, the new commute does double as an hourlong Great Industrial Wastelands of Southern Ontario Tour 2008, why do you ask? - anyway, as it turns out Wake Up Living, the CD from whence this honour springs, is still on there, and I was in a heard-everything-else sort of mood, so gave it a relisten. You know, interesting to see what's emerged from the mists of obscuring adoration and all that.

OK, bad idea. Most of it is patently dreadful, of course, in exactly the manner suggested by the quotes in the article - a beautiful voice repeatedly banging up against banal cliches. I am thinking now that they didn't provide the lyrics on the CD liner because they were hoping to cadge a few more months' sales off discreet fudging on lines like 'Before I let this sinking ship go down/And I watch you swim away'.
Mind, with our boy here it doesn't even have to be all that discreet. In fact, it's to his real credit that the thing contains lyrics at all, beyond "Hi there, potential CD purchaser! I'm Kalan, and you really kind of keep me going. Unless you happen to be male of course...I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that idea, it's just that..."

Yeah. I did say 'most'. There is Hurray. There is Try, the still-passable Beatles pastiche, and there is the fragile elegance of Out of My Head, which is based off real emotion and thus always to be respected. Also, over in a different part of reality, there is the amusing Run Run Run, in which our Earnest Young Musician takes a random unexpected holiday from trying so damn hard. Just mucks around in his own earnest young psyche for awhile: 'Do you ever stop to think about lines that run, run, run?/And fall past each other on the edge...'

The thing is, that song is in its way most intelligent thing on the CD - even more so than Hurray - because here the wit is somehow incorporated right into the standard Lite-FM drivel, transmuting the whole into...well, assuming you've listened to one too many Bob & Ray routines and do a nice line in wishful thinking to boot, it sounds an awful lot like subtle satire.

There's still promise there, somewhere. I said once that I'd love to see Kalan follow in the manner of Franz Ferdinand, and got some awfully funny looks - but to me this is where the boy's real talent has always lain, in riding that same razor-fine line between loving homage and sly parody (the snappy-suit thing is a nice bonus).  Awareness without anger...or even much awareness, I suspect. How exactly do you convince somebody to be snarky for their own good?